Last saturday, 23/01/2010 A.D, is the date our lovely Tsu Qi return to M'sia. After a year in New Zealand, I think is the student changing program, she return, with a boosted up body and ever more tanned skin. It is a very happy day, as she is our most lovely classmate. Everyone in pur class know her, loves her, likes her. She is such smily, sunny and sporty. But she isn't shiny, cox she is tanned.
We wait her at the arriving hall in KLIA. Just like waiting a VIP for a huge company. This prove her importance in our heart. At that time, I was excited as others too... but inside this feeling, there is a part of envy and afraidness in there.
First, the envy is because I know that I would never be such welcomed and important in many ppl's heart. Maybe is the fate problem, maybe not. I always be the lonely character, or the dull one within my social range. Feels like I am not important for anyone, I can be there or not, that doesn't matter... In an easy word, nobody cares me...neither live nor dead...
Thus comes the afraidness. I afraid of lonelyness. In fact, I hate to lonely. I try everything I can to makes me more connected to the world, means having more important place in my friends heart. but I think failures is the result comes out, the person that really cares me not more than 5. Even my parents is not inside this 5. So, I try to attract ppl's attention to me, since I am not important, then I wanna be the brightest. I do many things that is consider insane in my age, driving 300km/h, fighting bad guys, doing gym, taking double degrees. I do things that is normal ppl wont do, but it seems like the impact still not enough.
In conclusion, I started to give up the thinking of being more connected or brightest, I tired to care bout other ppl's, but i Stiil wanna be the best, even nobody admits me. So, guys. I hope next year y'all will facebook with me when I am in Monash University Clayton, and betting I am the champion in F1 for Lotus. This is the goal of 2010 of ZeKai.
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