Wednesday, December 9, 2009

身在福中不知福

最近常听到的一句话。

“妈的,你身在福中不知福,老爸这么有钱,还不要去帮他!”
“屌,你他妈的身在福中不知福,老爸又公司不会去帮,酱辛苦读书干嘛?”
“哇!原来你是Uncle Tan的儿子,跟我一样18岁了咧,做么还在读书?”
“有够笨,老板的儿子还要读什么书,直接去公司就可以做很高了啦!”

重重此类的话,我的反应都是:

好友,“AIYA,去了还不是没人教,什么都不懂。”
刚认识的,“呵呵,还想读多几年啦。”
兄弟,“DIAM啦,管你X事!”
长辈,“是啊,但是我志不在此,想要闯一闯才回来帮手啦。”

这些都回应,都只是很纯粹的敷衍。实际上,我的内心话是,“妈啦,老爸有钱又不是我的错,我是我,他是他,我有自己的梦想的!!!”

我很想说,你们都认为我很幸福,但是那时因为我拥有的,是你们所没有的,而你们又很想得到!所以就说我很幸福!

其实,这些统统都不是我要的!!我要的东西也很简单,熟悉我的人,我是说跟我很close的人都知道我要什么。(Close的人不包括我的父母,而是知心朋友)。一个得不到自己想要的东西的人,怎么能说他很幸福呢?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

奇怪的联想(可爱,罪,恶魔)

           可爱的女孩,让我想到了为何古人会把世间的一切诱惑、罪恶和恶魔联想在一起。就像有一个长得很纯真、可爱的女朋友一样。明明就是很想跟她做爱,可是当看见她委屈着脸孔叫不要时,那股欲望却更强,促使你更想得到她。但是,她的表情也让你充满了罪恶感,好像做了十恶不赦的坏事一般。因此,你拼命克制着这股欲望。然而,日子久了,克制力渐渐不敌诱惑,最终还是忍不住了。罪,常常就是那么地诱惑,而你也明知那是不对的,很想去干的想法也让你充满了罪恶感。因此,你一直在克制自己。但是,最后理智还是崩溃了,你越是克制自己不去做,最后是你去做的推动力反而更强。所以,形容罪的最佳形容词,就是“恶魔”。

                每个人,或多或少都会被这个“恶魔”影响,。不管你是谁,凡人,出家人,男人,女人,大人,小孩,君子,小人,英雄,败类……,身边都会不断地出现这个“恶魔”,只是以不同的形象、不同的方式、不同的情况,和,不同的立场。有时候,你认为他没有影响,其实只是你自己不知道而已。说来可能很难相信,有时候,犯罪的出发点,就是行善的念头。你一心要做好事,你的决定和成果都是你所想象的那样,但是结果却出乎意料地缪以千里,而初始因素,确非厘毫之差,简直就是毫无分别。

                结论,要逃过、避免或摆脱“恶魔”,是不可能的。我们或者被罪的诱惑所吸引,或者强行抗拒犯罪的欲望,或者,以平常心待之。我选择第三,因为我是个正常的人,因此我没有很想犯罪的癖好,会有犯罪欲望是因为罪的诱惑所致。而我也不想强行抗拒,因为很累,而且如果“抗战”失败,那么犯罪的欲望会是原本的好多倍。唯有平常之心,不存任何特定的(specific)、针对性(in the light of)的和极端的(extreme)善恶观念,就不会有罪恶感,才会活得快乐。

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

半夜里写的诗。

            老话重提,半夜是个让人很容易思考、感触、灵感,和想东西的时段。而我也不能免俗地,常常在半夜里想东想西。感情,事业,学业,友情,武学,人生道理,小说情节,幻想,家人,自慰统统都有。半夜也是我读书的最佳时段。

            好了,离题了。

            我写过几首诗,post在我的Blog上。它们的创作,也是在半夜里完成的。也只有半夜,我才能写出那类型的东西。

            这类意境的文章,都需要很多材料来完成。而我的材料,主要是我的情绪,和回忆。最多关于半夜回忆的日子,莫过于当初Cadet Police的生涯。常常,和兄弟们在半夜里做白痴事情,像在大街上慢慢走。为何会在半夜呢?因为Cadet的活动都是在清晨开始的,所以有时候干脆到Storeroom过夜。有时候,则是因为活动是持续几天的嘛。

            人生到这篇东西只前,最爽的半夜,就是200711月的Combine Camp。第一还是第二晚,AJK们策划的夜游行动。所有人都要手牵手,一个接一个的步行在深夜里的森林里。那晚,原本一向殿后的我不知为何被推到第一个,可能因为我是唯一的不怕‘阿飘’的人。而在我后面,就是四个小女生。正在我身后的,是个很可爱、很阳光、很开朗,很纯真的女孩。女孩小我一岁,身高到月155cm,姓周,名字是静妮。是的,她就是我喜欢的女孩。我牵着她的手,就像牵着小女孩一样,因为我的手掌比她巨大很多。小手在我手中,我不敢太用力,免得弄痛她,也不敢太轻柔,免得她以为我在吃豆腐。走着走着,她的手渐渐地,握住了我的大拇指。然后,我微笑了整夜。

            和她在一起,我感受到我的强,因为她让我觉得,她是如此地柔弱。强烈的对比,更加凸显出我的勇猛,强壮。她牵着我的手,偎在我身边的样子,让我超想保护她。我知道,我爱上她了。

            本来,我只是很单纯的把她当成小妹妹,任何感情的情绪都会带给我莫大的罪恶感,好像玷污了仙子般。但是,渐渐地我无法自拔。就在我要展开追求时,我发现了一个惊人的事实,她的哥哥,是我在光华第二讨厌的人,我的仇家。我很不想再面对那男人,也不想破坏我在静妮心中的形象。因此,自尊、面子,小器使我在追求静妮的最佳时机,却步了。从此,她就只是我的其中一个junior,没有任何发展的可能性了。

            今年,是我的衰年。衰事一件接一件的。心碎的感觉,一年内尝了两次。一次是被拒绝,另一次是不得不放弃。放弃静妮,因为她名花有主,和一个同年的男的在一起了。机会,我已经白白错过了。

Monday, November 23, 2009

如果

我是个想象力超强的人。常常可以自己放空,陷入无尽地、自己的世界。熟悉我的小学同学都知道我有一个怪癖,那就是很喜欢玩尺。使得,你没看错,我很喜欢玩弄用来画线的短尺。因为,那把尺代替了我想象中的任何一样东西,人,车,枪,刀,剑,飞机,火,雨……等等。

或许,会养成这种习惯,是因为我小时候的成长背景。我老妈,郑桂丽老师,是个小学老师,也是个顽固的死硬派。或许她那个年纪的老师都是一个样的,因为我发现她的朋友们都是一样的想法。虽然我老妈从来不知道朋友的感觉。你问我我妈是怎样的一个人,我会说,没有脑。你问我对她有什么感觉,我恨她。是的,我超讨厌我的亲生老妈,原因?不是这篇文章的point,随意改次才谈。Ok,回来我的童年。因为我老妈是个没脑、过时、守旧,顽固的死硬派,所以她认为给我的最好教育就是“玉不啄,不成器;子不打,也是不成器”。所以,童年的我几乎没什么玩伴,因为我一直都是被锁在家里的。(还像狗一样被虐待)因此,我的性格从小就是独来独往的独孤求败,超容易适应孤单、寂寞一类的感觉。久了,也就麻痹、习惯了。

独来独往,好处是超级独立,超级有想法;坏处是,没朋友,没欢乐,没回忆,还很过时。因为大多数时间就我一个,六岁前是独生子,所以无所事事,就会自己幻想,跟自己玩,让自己活在梦中。所幸,长大后我清楚什么是梦/幻想,什么是现实。就这样,想象力就无可救药地、一发不可收拾地、长驱直入地、势如破竹地……发展、成长起来。搞得日后的我超有想法的。小学写作文,是我的想象力最好的发挥场所,可惜,小学这种地方其实是抹杀天才的好地方,如果他/她不幸没被发掘的话。老师对我的想法、作文,观念,一直以来都是贬义的,认为我不切实际、自以为是。靠!每个伟人在一开始的时候也是这样被当成怪咖的。所以,在最近相通了这个道理后,我就发誓我要成为我认为的亚洲最伟大的男人,然后让所有人认同我的想法。

好像有点离题了,这篇应该是讲关于“如果”的东西吧。想象力强的坏处,容易想很多、想太多。

独来独往的另一个好处,就是很多空闲,让我可以把家里所有书籍都翻烂。然后就到处找书,再翻烂。几乎是书都会被我搞烂,哈哈!

OK,讲“如果”。

由于本大爷的想象力超强兼超变态,因此我常常会想很多如果。

1)      如果,我现在Boost185cm就爽了,因为肯定变瘦。180cm我也ok啦,没虾鱼也好。
2)      如果,我有一架跑车就好了。不需要Porche, Lamborghini, Ferrari, Aston Martin这类的高档货,有一架RX-8M3R34,或者Fairladyok了。因为我是天生的速度狂,只有速度才能保证安全的怪咖。
3)      如果,我的运算能力很强就好了,这样我就可以投资,成为年轻的企业家了。
4)      如果,上帝给我一些超能力,例如读心术,我一定能保卫地球。至少不会伤害别人(笑 :->
5)      如果,好运能够关照我一点就好了,因为我好像一直都是衰仔。
6)      如果,老爸多疼我一点、多宠我一点,那我因该会去公司帮他吧。
诸如此类啦,但是任何一个如果,都不够这个来的希望它成真,就是
“如果,静妮喜欢我,跟我在一起就好了。”

T.T

Friday, November 6, 2009

回忆??? 什么东西???

18岁,经历了人生第一次的毕业,第一次真正有感觉、真正清醒的毕业。也是,第一次真正感伤的离别。中学毕业。

原本,这是个很有回忆的生涯,许多甜美、有趣、爆笑、辛酸、苦闷、友情、爱情……的回忆,都是在这个时期下种、萌芽的。因为,中学,是人生中最美好、最完美的日子。

理应,我们因该把这段时期的种种事情深印脑海,以便日后可以翻出来回味一番,老友相聚也可以有很多话题,也可以成为想念老友、想念以前的动力。

然而,最近的我发现,所有储存的回忆档案,好像System Crash般,几乎消失殆尽。每次,当我想要回忆时,就会发现脑袋里,空空如也。硬挖出来的Memory,也是模糊不清,或是有头没尾、断章漏意(忆)。

好讨厌自己,明明刚毕业是都记得清清楚楚地!

今天,是光华国中毕业典礼。又过一年了,当初我们在台上出糗的时候,好像只是前天的事情。当初我们站在班里,大声地讨论梦想,未来,憧憬着即将要进入的深造学府,这一切,已经换了新一代的拥有人。回去光华转了几圈,再次地感叹:”人事已非啊。“。 十年沧海一粟,一年CCTV处处,光华已经不是当年我们仍在的那个样子了。其实,我真正在意的,始终是那些小美眉们,当初我还没毕业时全部就不发育,现在我们一走,全部就好像卯起来疯狂发育,个个出落得犹如偶像剧女主角般!蚕宝宝变蝴蝶,小乌鸦变凤凰,林亚珍改成林志玲!!靠,当初真的是走宝了,竟然没想到投资未来!

Monday, November 2, 2009

去年的今天 + 最讨厌的日子

Try 看不同的写法,所以这次的POST把两片BLOG Mix 在一起.

去年的今天


其实,这篇是在讲去年的10月31日。本来没想到这个日子的,是因为读了几个老友的BLOG才想起,噢!原来我们5s4已经“毕业一周年纪念“了!

靠!妈的,还真是因了我上一篇的BLOG, 不知不觉!不过是自然地那种不知不觉。
现在回想,还真是怀念中学生涯!虽然我的中学生涯只有三年。*我FORM 3 才认识了Cadet的兄弟,在那个时候才开始活跃。*

忘了是POH还是盈滢说,他Prefer Secondary Life Than College Life。
我觉得,这句话说的很好!
可以说,中学生涯是人的一生中最美好的日子。

无忧无虑,这里指的是财富方面。
忙忙碌碌,这里指的是课外活动。
有情有义,指的是跟好朋友之间的情谊,虽然大多数时候我们都说不出口。
还有,爱情的青春、唯美,浪漫,在这个时期可以说是巅峰期。遗憾的是,我错过了。

好累,很想睡了。
所以,速战速决,快快END掉它吧!

每次想起这段时期的回忆,心头好像被重物压着。不是什么后悔没完成东西的情绪,而是对时间的流逝感到无奈、袖手无策的悲哀。这种被压着的感觉,不是第一次了。早在Form 3 时期,由于Cadet 的新旧交替我就开始有这种情绪反应。所以人家常常说,预言家可以预测未来,却不能说出一个人的心里思想。

Ok, 要Bye Bye 了,最后说一句,2008 年光华国中5s4 的同学,好想你们!!!


最讨厌的日子


星期日咯,因为提不起劲做事!!!

ok, BYE BYE!!!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

心情语录//Whats on my mind -4,不知不觉//Not realise

不知不觉,其实是现在大多数人的生活方式。

不知不觉地,时间已经消逝;
不知不觉地,事情已经过去;
不知不觉地,小孩长大了;
不知不觉地,钱被骗光了;
不知不觉、不知不觉、不知不觉……很多个不知不觉。

这句话,乍看之下是形容人并没有去注意某样事情。
然而,事实上,不知不觉是以两种不同地形式存在。

一种是,真正的不知不觉;另一种是,人潜意识里选择的不知不觉。

前者没啥好说,都是你我都会有的情况。好像,“我的BLOG不知不觉已经POST到整50篇了”;“弟弟的身高不知不觉从150到了170”等等。

后者,确实人选择逃避现实的一种手法。让事情“不知不觉”地过去,那么就不必去解决了。即省事,又安全。我找不到任何一个可以作为例子的事实(fact),原因不详。

或许,

我本身的岁数不够老,不足以发现某件事情已经不知不觉地从一个样,变成了另一个样。

或许,

我现在的思想观念,认为我没有选择逃避。不过,如果以后从我的一生综观来看,我实际上是在逃避某些事情。

也或许,我写下这篇BLOG,其实就是在逃避着某些事情。

                                                      
                                                                                                                   泽凯,
                                                                                                                   2009年11月1日,4.58am
                                                                                                                MUFY Final Exam, 倒数2天
                                                                                                                   “失眠,为了打发时间而做的              
                                                                                                                   思考,或许其实是为了逃避          
                                                                                                                   不能进入梦乡的懊恼,郁闷
                                                                                                                   ,PEK CHEK。”

Saturday, October 31, 2009

剑。道 以剑悟道!

《神雕侠侣》第二十六会,杨过发现独孤求败剑冢,进而发现冢中三剑与及四个石片。石片上文:

“刚猛凌烈,无坚不摧,弱冠前与河朔群雄争锋。”

少年人如我们这个年龄层,17、8岁的,满腔热学、梦想。好像没有东西足以阻拦。行事作风勇往直前,义无反顾,却极少顾虑后果。因此,常常闯祸,却需要长辈来收烂摊子。

“紫薇软剑,三十岁前用,误伤义士不详,乃弃之深谷。”

20多岁青年,想法比较成熟、实际。因此行事技巧较少年人婉转。"软剑"比普通长剑软,因此更难使用,需要更高的技巧。可是目的还是要称霸天下,少年所拥有的澎湃热血并未失去,只是实践梦想、目的的手法更有效率。“弃之深谷”表示了天不怕、地不怕的精神,有本钱失去。

“重剑无锋,大巧不工,四十岁前持之横行天下。”

老练、成熟,让人学会了举重若轻、不露锋芒反而威力更大。稳重的行事作风让人得到了极大的成功,“横行天下”说明了这点。无锋重剑、利剑与软剑的分别在于技巧、思想层次的不同,最终的目标还是横行天下。通常成功的人士都是这种的思维,因此大多数人都是在中年时期发达,能像独孤求败版三十几岁领悟这个道理的,通常都是早熟、天性稳重或拥有高超的思想观念的人。

“四十岁之后不滞于物,草木竹石皆可为剑。自此精进,渐入无剑胜有剑之境。“

剑是用来横行天下的工具、技巧。草木竹石皆可为剑,说明了,称霸天下的意愿尚在,只是方法更多更好,就像草木竹石般廉价、四处可寻,却有很好的功用!也说明了,称霸的意愿已经没那么重要,其价如草木竹石般低值。随着时光流逝,就不会再被身外物、名利所控制、影响,此乃无剑生有剑。也可说是,世间红尘一切,都如过眼烟云般不重要了。到这个境界,不管是人生还是武功,人难免会感到寂寞、孤独,因为所得到的成功,让人深深体会到了高处不胜寒的滋味。这种感觉与想法,是目光如豆,只看到小营小利的市井小人、凡夫俗子所永远不能体会的。(我老妈和她的大多数家人!自己没用也就算了,还教我什么“知足”、“惜福”等等让人丧失斗志的狗屁道理。)

Friday, October 30, 2009

告白可以用这个,情人节、生日或周年纪念都可以。

你不像太阳,也不像月亮;
你不是空气,也不是水;
你不是食物,所以不能吃。

但是,

你像阳光般,无处不在地洒在我生命的每个角落;
你像月光般,柔和地包覆着我的心。
你就像我的空气,没了你我会窒息;
你就是我的水,没了你活不下去。
食物和你,就是我生存的必需品。

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

很有感触的句子

九把刀说,“人生就是不停地战斗!”

一部台湾偶像剧,“人生就是不停地失望。”

忘了是谁说,“人生就是不停地等待。”

还有,“人生就是不停期待。” etc 人生就是XXX 的 句子


我说,“人生就是他妈的变态!”

WHY???

因为人生的意义早就被很多人解释成不同的东西,那怎么办呢?
只好统统‘篝’在一起,那不成了变态(Abnormal)是什么?


*篝--念着'kao1', 广东话,kao1 mai3 yat4 cai3

心情语录//Whats on my mind -3,最近

     最近,迷上了小说创作。

因为,憎恨自己十年的懒惰、厌恶自己十年的无能,后悔十年的虚度光阴。


     最近,很喜欢思考人生道理。

因为,突然发现人生苦短,突然发现,已经用掉了二十个年头。

     最近,发现原本的生活环境很不适合自己。

因为,发现自己并不快乐,发现自己还不满足。

     最近,才体会到,什么是“人力有事而穷!”

因为,有时候,不管你多么努力,还是有那种你一辈子都只能抬头望着,只能羡慕的境界。

     最近,我变了。

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

心情语录//Whats on my mind -2,对偶像剧的改观

最近不知道为什么,迷上了追连续剧。

或者,应该说是偶像剧。

像:《终极三国》,《终极一班》,还有《终极一家》。对了,我迷上了终极系列了。

换言之,最近的我,好像有一点反常。因为15岁以前的我,对台湾偶像剧避之唯恐不及,可能是因为偶像剧对我而言就是爱来爱去的那些无聊剧情。

16之后就没那么的反感,可能是我自己也在玩那些爱来爱去的游戏。如果家里开偶像剧,我也会坐下来一起看,只是绝对不会主动开来看,也不会去迷、去追。

一个多月前,KEATSAI 介绍我看《终极三国》。那是我在他家,正好用自己的LAPTOP看PPS。所以,KEATSAI就用 我的LAPTOP开了《终极三国》的第三集,讲的是“关羽”中了“七日贱骨头”然后去求医。刚开始我是兴致缺缺,因为之前一直听我老弟跟我讲《终极三国》的剧情,因为他从我堂姐那里看。从老弟的描述,我感到很“显”,因为听名字就懂是CINCAI拿三国历史来乱乱改,乱乱写,乱乱演。也因为老弟的描述,与三国历史风马牛不相及,什么DOWNLOAD武器,什么铁时空、银时空,什么东汉书院……一头雾水,更让我认定了《终极三国》是废的,无聊的剧集。

但是,当我开始看了第三集后,我就忍不住从头看起。然后我发现,看《终极三国》不要把它当做三国故事,要把它看成一个独立的创作,只是剧中人物名称与部分情节与三国相同。这样,《终极三国》就是一部很有意思的作品。

为什么说有意思?其实,《终极三国》、甚至整个终极系列演出了很多我这一代年轻人的想法,对爱情、对友情、对事业、对思想、对社交,对家人,对爱人等等。虽然剧情是有点废,很多时候看起来好像是为了拖戏,好让戏份做足一个小时。但是,这也是它跟别的偶像剧的分别,绝不使用爱来爱去、你侬我侬、凄凄惨惨或者是浪漫等等的陈腔滥调手法;终极系列是从搞笑、废中带出了想法、意思以及反省,可以说是另类的思想教育。

唯独,这些东西需要有一定的智慧、年龄、经历和正确的知识,经过比对真正的东西和剧中所演出的东西的分别后,才能懂的。因此,它不适合2种人,年龄尚幼小和没有知识的人。
i) 幼小的人,就是12岁或以下,他们的经历、思想和观念还不够成熟,还在初期的建立,因此剧中所带来的东西可能会扭曲他们的观念。所以,我一直禁止我老弟再看。
ii)没有正确知识的人,包括小孩,很多剧中所说的东西,譬如说三国历史,是和正史完全没有关系的,把它当成娱乐随便看看是OK的,怕只怕人们以为那些是真的,那么就惨了。因此,小孩还是最好不要看。至于笨蛋,看看就好了,不要当真,也不必去体会,看完就忘是最好的方法。因为笨蛋也不会了解剧情要带出的意思,多想反而会把不对的知识深印脑海。


我喜欢《终极三国》,除了上述的原因,还有因为它所呈现的爱情故事,可以说是我到目前的爱情史。关羽跟貂蝉跟吕布,刘备跟阿香,曹操跟小乔,小乔跟周瑜,可以说是把我的爱情故事拆开、重组,和调换了一下性别的故事。比较有感受的,是早期关羽对貂蝉的无限制付出和不求回报,跟我的个性一模一样。而貂蝉又不睬关羽,虽然知道关羽对自己很好,却还是喜欢着吕布,和我的遭遇一模一样。可是,关羽和貂蝉最终在一起的结局,却只是我的梦想、我的憧憬,一个尚未发生在我身上的“好报”。

Monday, October 26, 2009

我喜欢的女孩的类型。





心情语录//Whats on my mind -1

Recently quite busy, because exams is coming. Erm, actually is one more week nia, 3 November.

So, as usual i will say that i wont be long online. But, i tell u la, i cant resist the desire to online now, is like addicted edi. While last time i am sure that i wont addicted on anything, but now, i fail to keep this spirit.

I am considering, that i will become like this, is maybe because of the 6 months in this year, i didn't study. I was working, but actually doesn't work a lot, and actually didn't get much in return.( got a bit la, but quite little.)

1) work as FOC for my dad, means i didn't have a salary, at first. I just like a child, getting pocket when i need. It is good cox i can have higher consume, but i don't want like this, i wanna be a man, i wanna treated as man, so i ask for a fix salary for RM1200 per month. Although it is too little, ya, too little as i am those kind of money crashing machine that wont thing much when consuming. But this can help me to manage my money, just it seems like not functioned very well now.

2) work as promoter for P1 Wimax, the first job i done besides of my own family business. I found that it is suffer to work as such small position and salary, therefore i decided that i must earn many money next time, cox i feel that it is a shame, an insult to me to work for this kind of job. I know, it is not a correct thinking, just i dislike this kind of feeling. And one thing i learn is, the bravery to promote things. This helps me lots in confident, as i dare to talk to pretty girls and i success to have a senior to be my first gf, and my first sex. The confident also helps in presentation i did last week, but now i wont chase girls cox my body shape is gone.

3) work as Distributor for AMWAY, i din get any financial profit from here, bt i learn some social skills, present skills, promote skills and some good thinking, 思想。But i not like the living style of AMWAY ppl, because they keep persuading ppl, washing ppl brain. I am not saying it is bad, and it is a skills & ways to do business, it is also usefull, but i just don't like. I hate these kind of feeling, that they keep giving me the idea that AMWAY is everything, other things in your life can be thrown away. Thus, i have a feel that i am treated as stupid. Haiz....

Ok, this is the work i "done" in this six month, but besides of learning things, i actually didn't serious in making profit. Most of my time i sit in Witchery Ider, 魔力点子。A cafe opened by my friends brother, which is now my friend too, Desmond Yong. I can be said that wasting my time there a lot, untill now also like that, cox there got a good internet connection. I think i started addicted to Online when i start to spend my time after gym there watching PPS. After gym, it is 8-9pm, and no where to go, and at that time most of my friend are not free, those who free doesn't likes to go to place i like, so i have to sit at Witchery Ider. And that time, Shaun, my best brother which know each other since 2 years old, had just loss his dad, so he is not free and not financially conditioned to go out "po" wif me, so i have to spent my time by watching PPS lor...

换CHANNEL一下,今年发生了很多“代志”(dai3 ji3), 让我有蛮多感触……

i)失恋,馨拒绝我,第三还是第四次拒绝我。原因是,她还忘不了英,所以不管我对她多好,给她多大、多诚恳、多好的承诺,她还是不能接受我。这让我领悟了,真爱是要缘分的,不是因为你付出的多,得回的也一样多。常常,我们都是完全的付出,却也完全的蚀本。所以,从2009年3月7日,馨最后一次拒绝我的日子,我发誓,从今以后,只要看到我喜欢的美女,我就不要害怕、不要保留的去追。因为,人生只有一次,反正到老都是变丑的,为何不乘年轻是追个好看点的呢?比较偏激的领悟,但是认真去想却很有道理。(领悟了2个道理)

ii)Shaun的父亲过世,可以说是突然发生的。这让我领悟了,不管你是多么的英雄,只要时辰到了,一切都化为乌有。所以,我常常保持开快车,因为告诉飙车是我唯一有自信可以从死神名单中除名的方法。原因是,我的技术和天赋,让我可以在高速中掌握一切,反而是驾慢车的时候,才是最危险的。从我发生过的车祸,只要是因我而起的车祸都是有一个主因,我驾得比我平时的速度慢。(我的车速每个朋友都懂)唯一不爽的是有些好友,不明白真实情况却一直说我会车祸是因为驾太快!!!干你娘的!!!

iii)手被干断,妈的,整年最气人的就是这件事。好死不死,死人印度鬼在我一个月没有锻炼的情况下,来打劫我的车,还用大木棍打我,虽然我一档就把木棍打断,吓跑了他们,代价就是变OKU咯!!! 然后,不能练拳,不能GYM,不能游泳, 不能跑步,所有运动都不能做,妈的,害我身材走样!!!

还有好多事情,只是不懂怎样写。
不过,总的来说,算是体会到了人生无常,不管多么英雄好汉,都有落难的一天。不管多么风光,时辰一到,统统不见掉!!! 所以,我要及时行乐,读好书,找真爱,把美眉,赚钱,买跑车!!!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

没事就想想开心的事。

开心的事,

1)长高了,终于长高了!一年半,终于突破175cm,现在令爸176了!!!

2)Final来了,可以暂时把书丢掉,找朋友去旅行!!!

3)我的车要好了,可以“出院”了!!!

4)干妹妹找到一个不错的男友,不用整天听她烦了!!!

5)我的手要痊愈了,可以做GYM了!!!明年就可以追美眉了!!!

Friday, October 16, 2009

To all the pretty gals!!!

Hi leng lui, erm.......

Ok, first i wanna say is, i know you all are pretty and sexy and cute and so famous, that many guys will die for you.
And i know that i am not those guys that you all like to be boy friend, at least for now. (When i regain my shape then is different story.)

But but but, these doesn't means i will die for you all, just like the others. I can help you if u are in trouble, but please dont seduce me by using ur prettiness, u just have to say please!!!

I can teach u how to programming, i can teach u how to do maths, i can teach u how to solve Physic, but please don't seduce me to do them for u! I also got my things to do, and pls dont spread those unreal message that i am stingy person, just because i am not being seduced by you and do your works!

Anyway, i wanna tell you, prettiness is a super weapon for woman, but please don't use it again and again, because it doesn't works everytime to everyone.

Exam coming, gotta activate myself. Super Sayan!!!!

I gotta boost up!!! I am too lazy now, while the exam just less than 2 weeks.

If this time fail again, i gotta eat shit. And then cant continue in engineering field anymore. have to change to business field.

It is ok la actually, change to business is also my will, cox there is more lenglui.
BUt, engineering is what i wanna do, what i like and it can make a lot of money. I just discover it recently. Business field also can makes many money, and got many leng lui. But, it is no point to let myself regrets just for money and leng lui.

Because, money "shuan shen me", leng lui so what, got money got leng lui la! This is what my buddy told me, she said i am rich, i no need to worry about leng lui. Ehm.... it is quite a right, but i am not thinking that way.

I love physic, quantum physic, science, ballistic, automotive, weaponary, etc, any thing related to science and physic. I am one of those weird children when i was 4 years old, my friends are reading comic books while i was reading missile analysing data. What a freak....

SO, start from now, i swear i will d my best to boost my talent up!!! DON'T WASTE IT!!!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

BITCH, 狗母,猪母,变态,去死 = my 妈妈

妈的,lim bu a cibai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 你奶奶的去死!!!!!!人渣!!!废物!!!!不死也没用!!!!

这些,都是我要骂我的CIBAI老妈的话!!!

妈的,以为自己很伟大!!整天拿那些小恩小惠来讲,载我去COLLEGE,帮我跟老爸拿200块,买电脑给我,以这些小事就要我为你做牛做马,拼生拼死!慢慢等啦!林北可以自己搭巴士去COLLEGE,被老爸骂一顿才拿钱,买给我的LANJIAO电脑有是超级烂!CIBAI, 还不让我UPDATE, SUBSCRIBE INTERNET!!!

妈的, 超级度烂!!!

要我帮你打考卷,可以,但是拜托你一次过把问题都拿来!不要一点一点给!因为林北很多比这些还重要的事情要烦!林北要读书的,很多压力!不可能只做你的lanjiao 东西!!!!

靠!!!!!!!!!

我真的是忍无可忍了!才会POST 出来!

我已经一无所有了,还是被你害的!请你不要在剥削、剥夺我,放过我吧!我不指望你的恩惠,你也重来没对我好过!我只希望你不要再害我了,对,不要再害我了!我已经失去了我的生命,是你害得,我不想连行尸走肉的权力都没有!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

因为你,让我从来没有正常的社交生活,没有兄弟,没有女友,没有童年,没有快乐,没得参与同学的活动!!!是你让我错过了青春,错过了快乐!!!还让我看着我的的最爱离开我,投向别人的怀抱,让我看着喜欢的人,对我说,你是个好人!!!就因为你,从小对我的所谓严厉,害我变得沉默寡言,不善言辞,也不敢主动!害我白白错过了很多的机会!!!lim bu a cibai!!!!

问我什么是母爱?

哼!母字跟爱字有什么lan关系!!!对我来讲,母亲就是虐待我的变态!!!害我的恶魔!!!
不要跟我说,没有你我就不会在这个世界上!!!因为我的人生,都是只有一个苦字!非洲饥民受的是身体的苦,我收得是精神的苦!!!

是那些受尽父母宠爱!!!没有主见!!什么都听父母!!!的孬种的乖宝宝所不能理解的!!!

所以,如果你们没有了解我老妈是怎样的,你们没有资格批评我!!!没有资格讲我!!!没有资格骂我不孝!!!因为你们没经历过像我一般的经验!!!

Monday, September 28, 2009

K.O. SANGUO 《终极三国》

lolz...the first thing i wanna do when watch this movie...
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈…………………………好好笑哦!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

这是一部很白痴的电视剧,无可否认!!!
但是,他的情节也还不错啦,虽然用了三国这个名词,但是跟真正的三国没有关系。除了角色名字。

好了,进入重点。

想说的是,片中由胡宇威饰演的关羽,他的爱情观和命运(爱情) 跟我超像的!
是属于默默付出的那一种。不过,很可惜,默默付出的爱是不会得到结果的。因为……还什么因为,就是因为默默付出没人知道嘛!!!

Friday, September 25, 2009

How to cure the LAZYNESS????!!!!!!!!!

Huh, i am lazy, i know that.

I am lazy on the thing that i not like, such as?
Study, wake up early, and doing sit up!!! Still got many things i dislike, but i dislike those by mood. Means sometimes i like, sometimes i dun like.


Erm, how to say? When i dislike a thing, i will automatic feel that doing it is a waste, or what for to do it since i dislike it? And it wont have any effect on my life? ( Obviously not, just i tot)
Then i will start lacking the energy to do it. And the spirit too. ( Spirit is semangat rite?)

Huh, i very admire my dad, he can wake up 9 am everyday, although he just arrive home and sleep for 30 minutes. And you wont saw him with tired face the whole day, but at night...every one is sleepy rite...

I also very admire my friends, Yong Hui, Tun Hao, Loon Han, Joo Lean, Lit Wei......all my friend that have extremely good results......exept those who are a genius, like LIt Wei, but he claim that he is not... so i put him in...
They can sit in front a desk and really study all stuff on the textbook, they wont being distracted and wont give up, untill they finish...er.... i think when i form 2 i also can do that, thats why i jump back to elite class from 2I to 3E... but now, i cant...The only thing i can 坚持到底 is only gym, weight lifting, but my hand broken, can't do it untill next year...

Even my talent, car racing, i also never practise the skills seriously before....
I will feel sien very fast, and stop doing them.....

I know this is my problem that i cant become Top Student in MUFY, in KWang Hua, in Chung Hua, and i willing to solve this problem, or cure this illness...

But hell i cant, i fail, i fucked up every time.....


So, my friend, can you help me? Tell me how to take away this habit...Teach me how to 坚持到底,include 爱情...


TELL ME!!!! WHAT CAN I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Hollow Man


Hollow man, a film that shows every mans desires....wakakaka....

真正的舒畅感

什么是舒畅感?
就是舒畅的感觉。

不是那种,把大便排出肛门的感觉,不是作爱高潮的感觉,也不是累了就躺在床上的感觉。
舒畅,
是在极端的痛苦、极累的情况后,得到的放松;
是在极大的付出、极大的努力后,得到的成就感。

这才是真正的舒畅。
是只有真正的认真对待自己的人,才能感受到的。

坚持到底,
才是得到舒畅,也就是成就、成功,
的捷径。

唯一的捷径!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

诗 + 散文 = 散诗

越是习惯孤单,越接受孤单;
孤单的时候,行进中的人生,好像被按下慢动作一般,变得沉重、迟缓。
所做的一切,做过的一切,生命中的一切,一切的一切的一切,刹那间变得毫无意义;
好像就算完成了,也没有意思,没有成就。

孤单的时候,也是脑袋最胡思乱想的时候。
想这想那,却始终摆脱不了,寻找那个点的欲望。
那个点,人生的重点,人生的中心点,人生的要点,管他的,就是缺乏了一个点。
缺了点,绕着中心飞行的东西,就会被自己的离心力抛开;
人生没了点,就会毫无章法的乱飞,毫无特色;一切就变得枯燥、乏味。

人生,就是要有一个点,才能感到自己的中心。
没有点,就跟我一起去找吧!!!

by泽凯
2009年9月20日,5.24pm
(正在努力的寻找那个点中!)

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Weird experience: occupying a movie theatre by myself. And, passing a Fairlady with my CR-V!

Today is the last day to study, then coming up is a whole week holiday. WHee!!!!

Yeah, as usual, holiday is stands for Hell Of LearnIng DAY!
So, this week i manage to study all of the syllabus thought and missed.

Whats the point with my title? OK, is like this la.

Cox whole week no fun, except gathering, so i go watch the movie, Gamer.
Erm, is a good movie, actions, killings, all i love and some creative there. Go watch yourself.

Ok, here is it. I go TGV Bkt Raja, at 11pm, and buy the 1145pm ticket. And that guy told me that i am the only one who watch this movie, tonight. "Huh? Benar kah? Syok la!" i say.

And thats it, i go in, and the whole theater only me alone. Erm, is knid of weird, and freak, and cold. Because everytime watch movie in cinema, it was like you are human. Now is like, you are the idiot, haha! Watching movie alone in a big theater. And it is a bit scary la, cox just pass the Chinese Jully, just watch "Where Got Ghost", and the ghost mind is quite fresh now. So, i keep turn my head behind, to see whether got "things" onot.

Not expecting something lar, just hope that if those things comes out, please don't use those disgusting looks, please transform into cutie babe first. And then i will......"Aou...!!!!!!" (wolf hawl)
____________________________________________________________________

Next experience, after watching the movie, i go home. It is normal rite.
And then i saw a Fairlady, at Batu Belah, it is also normal as Fairlady is too cheap and can find it everywhere.

Then i thought it will like "piu....!!!" and disappear.
Haiz, useless...Fairlady that just run 40km/h, useless + idiot + stupid + weird...
Ya, weird. Then i remember a story, 3 years ago in an accident, the man driver driving at 50 kmh and fucking wif his girl friend. And they knock the divider, the man's cock...bitten and broken...(yucks...)

I was hoping some thing special inside, therefore i pickup and go wif that Fairlady side by side, and you thought what??? It is driverless, erm... it is driving itself... Transformer???

Hah, just joking.
I saw a fairlady driving a Fairlady.
Yeah, a fucking hot, blonded chinese fairlady.
And she is fucking young, i think same age wif me, or maybe around 19.

Huh, a girl driving Fairlady, while my Rexton crash... Sucks...
And where the hell she get the Fairlady? Her dad? Her bro? Her bf? Or........she steal it?
Nevermind, because thats not mine too...

But, girls, next time if you are driving a sportcar, please go aside lar, don't stuck in the fast lane!!!
Fast lane is just for fast ppl, above 140 kmh, you tot is for sportcar driver meh....you drive sportcar so what, damn slow... fuck off!!!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Computer programming, is hell but i loving it helly!!!

Now, starts the most important thing in computer science.
Things which why i join computer science class in MUFY for.

PROGRAMMING!!!

We learn that, there is 3 major type of programming language.

Machine language, the 01010110 stuff.
Low level. Dunnoe wats that, forget it edi.
And, high level one, the Java, VB, C... which what i learning now...

Erm... is kind of easy, at first, at now, because everything goes with image...
Analysing, design, GUI...

Just a bit complex in the coding, but i love it. Thats what i born to...wakakka...(joking only)
erm... as a beginner, it is quite a lot for me to learn.

And now i not dare to imagine, what will happen to me if i start to learn the most basic opeartion.......the machine language, huh...010101....fuck lar that time...
But no choice la, MECHATrONIC, got a 'tronic' behind, means got electronic....gotta learn programming....


HUH!!! :-< :-(

Sunday, September 13, 2009

This time eat shit liao!!!

Huh, eat shit eat shit!!!
I am not a fly, but i am a shit eater now!!!
Why i admit i am such disgusting??? Because this time english test sure fail!!!

Eat shit, 1 hour write 600 words, holy shit i cant finish it.
I have to end it in paragraph 4 because times up, and the bibliography also cant finish!!!
What can i do??? SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Huh, suddenly so smelly...
Haiz, after release out the shit emotion, i calm down and think back...
Ehm, this time is the 1st time i fail in Literature subject, last time test about novel i also can ngamngam past, cox teacher teaching i am not sleeping...(day dreaming, but still know teacher is teaching)
This time, hell i absent at the day teacher teach us how to do exploitoring essays!!!!
Damn!!!

And then as usual, i swear to god again i wont absent class anymore.
And i swear wif my ass, if i absent again i will not able to shit from my ass anymore, i will use my mouth!!!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

平凡。传奇

传奇,
是成功之后的事;
平凡,
才是生活的节奏。

传奇,
就像100米冲刺,
很刺激、很耀眼,很累;
平凡,
却像慢跑,不刺激,不耀眼,也不累,
只是偶尔会喘一下气,但是很快又能以轻松的节奏回力。

传奇,
需要无时无刻成为最强;
平凡,
不需要强,只需要一颗心,
知足的心。

真正的传奇,可以满足一个男人的野心、欲望;
但是,
只有平凡,一个人才能以自己的灵魂活下去。

传奇人物总是那么的耀眼,但是他们需要无间断的照顾形象;
唯有回归平凡,才能以自然的姿态出现。
因为,
传奇也是从平凡开始的。

泽凯,
“没有人一生下来就注定会成为传奇,
会成为传奇,是因为无间断的努力。”

2009年9月9日 11时33分
(正在为明日英文考试而奋斗!!!)


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Saw my body shape now...haiz, speechless...

Today morning, i wake up so early abnormally, 6am. In old days only i will wake at this time cox morning class in secondary school. While today my class at 9.45.

I don't know why, i just can't sleep. Because in my mind, there is a sound that keep telling me that i forget to do something, that i should do it everyday actually. Erm, you ask me what is it? Tell u later, the time i wake up, i also don't know what is it. Because this sound is so blur in my mind, it is like some stupid idiot trying to talk to u outside ur car.

I woke up, sit a while, then stand still. Suddenly i feel i loss something, cox before my arm brokes i do something everyday i woke up. Yeah, i think i am closer to the things that the sound keep telling me. But, what is it?

Ok, i take off my shirt, and then standing in front the mirrror. SHIT!!!! Is this me?????
I shout out, loudly, causes my mom yell at me" siao eh, mai luan la!!!" ( you idiot, shut up)
What i saw? INside the mirror, i saw a bouy. Ya, a bouy, standing there with its mouth open(me lar)

Oh.... Now i now, whats the goddamn thing i forget to do liao, is EXERCISE!!!

Ya, since my arm is broken, i stop almost all of my exercise and gym schedule. I stop the 50 pumping non stop every morning, because my arm cant rily use untill next year. And even the jogging everyday which keep my weight below 90 kg also stop. Now my body shape totally gone, but cant saw it if i am on cloth.

Wait, thats means the weight balance doesn't spoil lar!!! I am 97.5 kg now??????
Walao e....
AND, and, and, my dear keep calling big stupid pig(大笨猪),she is meant it??? Not joking!!!
Walao e.... I still mong cha cha....

Haiz, this time, i have to die hard again...
Cox last time SPM time i also once stop exercise, but only for 1 month, me at that time already consider as wild boar... now... already 3 months, boar x3 = stupid pig........speechlesss.......

So, to rescue myself from the pig nations, i swear to my dear i will start all my exercise except gym from today, cox i still havent recover 100% yet. ( Why swear to my dear? Because my dear is more important and love me than god!!!)

Monday, September 7, 2009

Start creating novel

yo my friends, i am start creating novel and post it in blogger.

Go see it at http://zkai0101.blogspot.com

Saturday, September 5, 2009

我是不是,长大长得太快了?

“哼,赚钱而已吗,酱难咩?”
“唉,搞不懂那些大哥大姐,拍拖酱惨咩?”
“哎哟,爱情罢了吗!!!哪里有酱复杂,面对面讲清楚啦,CLEAR!!!”
“没有朋友就没有咯!有什么了不起。。。”
“做么要读书?读到酱辛苦,会读书的人就很厉害咩?”

以上的句子,我猜每个人都有讲过。
每个人在所谓的“年幼识浅”时期,说的话都是不经大脑的,想到什么就直接炸出来。
我就是这么的一个,典型的炸弹狂。

曾经,我认为只要去想像,什么样的经历都可以知道一个大概。
所以,自以为是就成了老师们给我的评语,也是老妈子用来结束她无理取闹的责骂的绝对必杀技,因为每次她都是理亏的一方,被我炸到没话讲,知道老师给了我这个评语。

这篇BLOG不是用来CONFESSION的,我想说的是......................TO BE CONTINUE.................

没有啦,因为很长一下的,所以要分段来讲啦!

以前,我认为这个世界很简单,一句话就可以搞定了;只是那些白痴死大人,一定要在YES跟NO以外搞一个I DON'T KNOW,或I NOT SURE出来。就像爱情,当时的我认为只要讲清楚,我爱你,我喜欢你,还是我不爱你,我不喜欢你就可以了。爱情片、小说里描写的爱恨情仇,全都是白痴作者在放屁!写爱情小说的人,用台湾时下流行用语来说就是脑残,香港就是QI XIN,马来西亚就是白痴+无聊。

只是,讽刺的是,如今的我完全认同了这些“白痴”东西讲的道理,原因是......我亲身体验过了。

18岁前,我一直认为赚钱其实很简单,端乎一个人的智慧。身边那些一直赚不到钱,或着什么倒什么的白痴死大人肯定是先天性智力缺乏症,才会赚不到酱好赚的钱。(BILL GATES、RONALD BUFETT个个赚到笑!!!)以后长大一定要好好教训这些呆鸟。

现在,妈的我每个月的区区RM1200的薪水还要DELAY!!! 真的应了老妈子的毒誓,看你长大怎样死!!!(真的要死了,拿不到薪水的结果就是在COLLEGE饿肚子!)

小时候整天嚷嚷,长大后要拯救全世界,好像自己是上帝派来的救世主,专门教那些笨蛋白痴无聊大人真正的方法,是怎样的!THE REAL AND CORRECT WAYS HOW THINGS WORKS!!!

现在,西元2009年9月5日,4分钟后就6日,突然发现2009-1991=18,20-18=2,这两个惊人的数据;显示我,18岁了,还有两年就20了,彻底变成大人了!!!跟着,就像ALGEBRA一样,我有SIMPLIFY 2x12=24,24x30=720,720-(8x30)=480,意思是2年等于24个月,也就是720天,而今年已经过了8个月,也就是只剩下480天了!!! 靠幺,我的时间被人偷了!青春长鸟了,不,是变鸟了! 酱快就要死了,CHOY,是酱快就要不能做小孩子了,不能幼稚了,不能没脑了,不能打架了,不能摸女孩子屁屁了............(什么样的感慨?)

唉,真的是“光阴是贱”,对啦,这次用的成语是对的!!!不是“光阴似箭”,因为“似箭”的意思是很像箭,尖尖的......(妈的) “光阴是贱”的意思是,光阴这个白痴真的很贱!!!!!!!!!
WHY? BECAUSE 它乘我们不注意的时候,坐飞机跑掉了!!! 用福建话讲就是“走尬杯”(zao ga bui, 跑到飞) BUGATTI VEYRON、PAGANI ZONDA、2008 SSC ULTIMATE AERO 都追不到!!!(人家坐飞机,你驾车当然追不到啦!!!)

所以咯,现在很怀念做GINNA的感觉。

-THE END-

LAN,刚刚是我的DEAR打的,又不准我DELETE。。。(其实我都还没有正式追她,就整天讲是我的DEAR,还逼我写在BLOG。。。)

我现在一直问,我是不是长太快了?不然为什么我会感到好像不能适应现在的环境?
(“DEAR”去冲凉了,快快打完,快快POST,不然给她看到我的手臂肯定被扭烂!)
好像,一切都很陌生,我的生活好像一直变幻不停,不能定型(“WEEKEND 来DEAR的CONDO是唯一的定型!),以前熟悉了10多年的东西现在全部翻盘!小学升中学时也没这么幸苦,一定是太快了,BEH TAHAN!!!


算了,我只能这么说,算了,要变就变吧!我也做不到什么!
以前总是认为我是无所不能的,经历了那么多创伤、挫折后,才了解,我是多么的渺小;应该说,人是多么的渺小.......



-da end-
(这次是真的,要睡觉咯!!!)


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

致:黄秀美老师

最近才发现,我的华文造诣是足以称霸马来西亚的,为什么现在才懂?已经没有用武之地了,当我踏出光华,踏出了这个我人生中最后一个以华语为媒介语的校园,我练了18年的华文变成了,更单纯的交谈语言。再也没有以前的环境,一个可以让我尽情发挥功力的写作环境。
唉!!!突然觉得,我好没用,辜负了黄秀美老师的栽培之恩。

老师一定很失望吧,从您在5S4毕业班刊上给我的评语,“泽凯:生于书香是家,自小就接触许多中文读物,理应你的华文会比其他同学高一层。可惜,两年,我无法看到你特殊的表现。你曾经想创作,希望现在还一样,有机会天马行空创作一篇小说。我拭目以待...” 可以看出,您是我的伯乐,只有您才认同我有创作的能力。老师,不是我不要创作,也不是我懒惰,而是因为我的创意、灵感,已经在6年的小学、3年的初中评估考试文凭中,彻底的消磨殆尽。为何?您一定会如此的问。那是因为,从我会写字开始,不论是我的华文老师、我那做老师的母亲、还是我的前辈,个个都要求我照着惯例,写一篇了无新意的文章。开始,我不服气,依然坚持我的道路,死也不改变我的写作风格,不断的寻求新意。 但是到了初中,我的成绩开始爆烂,我也不得不放弃我的风格,委屈求全的迎合了考试制度所需的作品,而不是继续使我的能力变强。结果,SPM时期的我,就算只是一页的灵感、创意也写不出,是那种掏空了脑袋也写不出任何东西的感觉。所以我放弃了,放弃了投稿,《长路漫漫》,《学海》,《星洲日报》等等的投稿,我都放弃了。

如今,我被废除的功力莫名其妙的恢复了,但是我也丧失了最佳环境,与最能了解学生作品的您。虽然很后悔,但是我要告诉您,新一集的《长路漫漫》,会有我的作品。
无论如何,希望老师您好好休息,早日恢复身体健康。

Sunday, August 30, 2009

令我再次心动的女生!!!

此文与DUSUN ECO TRIP相连接,只是重点在那女孩。

在这次的“旅行“, 认识了一个,算是漂亮的女孩。这么说的原因是,她不只漂亮,还很可爱,阳光,和精力充沛。她大我3岁,但不要紧,因为我看起来有28岁。最重要的是,身高165cm,完美。 怎么说,她的五官很清秀,眼睛大大的,嘴巴算是小小的,很可爱的那一型。

她的笑容,是她的招牌,也是她触动我封闭的心的利器。她笑,但不是妖艳的笑,不是诱惑的笑,不是魅力的笑,魅力、漂亮、可爱,那些用来形容女孩子的词语统统都不是;她的笑,是那种很灿烂的笑,很阳光,很温暖。不管你在什么情况,只要看见这个笑容,马上就会精神百倍、如沐春风。为什么不说她电到我?因为电到,只是短短的几秒钟而已;而她对我的冲击(IMPACT),一直到我写这个BLOG的时候还在。

我很喜欢她笑,除了灿烂,还是因为我在她身上看见了我人生中,喜欢过、深爱过的女生的笑容。
我的意思不是她是“她们”的统合,其实她的笑跟“她们”完全不同,只是当我见到她的笑容,就会想起和 “她们”的回忆,然后发现,其实我不必为了“她们”留给我的痛苦回忆而痛苦。当初的我,也没什么资格去要求,因为根本就是烂人一个,笨猪一条。

这些的痛苦回忆,是造成了我如今封闭的心,令我不敢在爱情里采取主动,令我自惭形愧陪不上我喜欢的女孩。是她的笑,像一把钥匙把我的心扉打开。让我坦然地去面对我的痛苦回忆。

我想起了很久以前,当我和“杨桃龟” 很要好的时候,那是在她知道我喜欢她之前。杨桃龟的笑很温柔,好像可以给你无限的鼓励,让你从万丈深渊爬起来。就是这个笑,把我从一个不会做乘法的五年级的数学白痴,变成了如今有资格成为电脑程序专家的学院生。杨桃龟,我不确定你还记得这个昵称,这个当年只有我用的昵称;我只要你知道,你是影响我人生的最重要的人,也是我第一个、最深爱的人。

小妮,我人生中,最想疼爱、保护的女孩。她的手,是我最想握的。细细的、嫩嫩的,很想小女孩的手。每次我们牵手的时候,她总是不知不觉的抓住我的大拇指,因为我的手掌对她的纤纤柔荑来说,是巨人掌。我很喜欢她这样抓着我,因为感觉到她很需要保护。还有,她有这个习惯,其实是因为有一次,我的手掌心在帮她帮绳结的时候割伤了,她为了避免弄痛我才抓住大拇指。(其实如果能够握到美女的手,多痛都值)

猪猪,就是在我关闭的心门上加锁、爆痛的创口上撒盐的人。但我不怪她,只怪我太迟出现在她的人生,一切只能说是注定的。我很喜欢她的笑声,听起来像银铃一样,很清脆。

现在,这个女孩,就叫她MAY吧。
MAY 的出现,让我的心又起了浪潮。让我再次感到了爱情的感觉,我曾经发誓不再相信、不愿在体会的东西。

Go DUSUN ECO for a two day trip, had a new gain at there!!! AWESOME!!!!!

Yesterday, 29 of August, i go a trip organize by teachers of SJK(C) SOO JIN, and i was being cheated at 1st.

Why? Because at first i thought we are going to new place, and i heard got paintball game, then i keep thinking how to "SM" those girls.

But before few days from the trip, SHAUN my brother suddenly call me, told me that we are going to DUSUN ECO... "diu lo, this time sien liao lo, i win all the match liao lo..." in my mind. Although it is quite sien, but i admit that it is very interesting when you go play at DUSUN ECo with a bunch of ppl, of course got leng lui la!!! No leng lui no syok, 1 of my philosophy to camp activities at place like DUSUN ECO.

Alrite, lets go into point.
Yesterday morning, i wake at 10 am, helping my mom repair her stupid CRV, bath and packing.
11am, i go SHAUN's house, then we go to SJK(C) SOO JIN at 1130 am.
Arrive there almost 12pm ++, cox SHAUN drives damn "fast"!!!

Then we go lunch, wait for those PRINCESS...blablabla...
then we move our ass to DUSUN ECO...
this tie the bus driver are more pro...

alrite, 1st activity at there, sure is rakit. I go for 3 camps before this at there sure play rakit 1st.
"HOHOHO...rakit arr, i win liao lo... whole team only i know how to do the boyscout thing lo...ngekngek..." and luckiest is, my team leader is a super la yeng akua, then i am in charge of all of the action thing. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA... i wanna laugh edi... sure win liao!!!! wakakakakakakakakakakakaka....................................................................................................

in this rakit thing, i teach my teammate the basic tie, node or ma node, dunnoe la, forget the name edi...
blablabla, my team is the fastest to build the rakit, and the most though rakit, cox our rakit never spoil from start to beginning...
then u know edi lo, my team finish the match in champion...blablabla, nothing to say bout this, cox i sure win de ma...

the most important is, i met a girl. haha, a girl. Who is older than me 3 years but looks younger than me. i was so..... impressed, to her shiny smile, and those eyes, which is very high voltage when she smiles....althought she is not a very gorgeus girl, but she have the sweet look, her own beauty characteristic...and she is the type that you wont felt boring althought seeing her everyday...and she is very energetic, she walks like a bunny, jump and jump and jump, cute... and she can do every hard action i gave to her, sometimes even better than some guys... especialy CADET POLICE nowadays, haiz...where is the police we built last time? haha, joking...

alrite, nothing much activity to describe, cox is a trip organize y old ppl...
next day, we play, PAINTBALLS!!!! wow, awesome, DUSUN ECO got paintball edi, syok ler...
it is just like counter strike la, u hide, u aim, u shoot, and u get shot...
i shot 2 ppl out of 4 of my team, i shot the 1st with sniper skills when i 1st come out frm the shelter, and another at the end of the game, by headshot. But that feller is quite dumb, he/she(dunnoe cox mask is on) still shooting at me after he/she is "dead"...

yeah....
we win again...
afte that we pkay obstacle, the game that i most hope for...
cox can "pok mong"...
haha, no la, is because can see many princess play hard and rough, wakakakaka...

It is time to go home, on the journey i was planning to get the hp number and msn of her, if she have one. But, i forgot!!!!!!! Kao!!!!! It is the bus driver fault, on the genting highway he drive the bus like i drive evo, can u imagine? a bus, keep cornering sharp and get over cars... huh... i swear in my mind, if anythng goes wrong, we had an accident, i will kill the driver 1st before saving the ppl for sure!!!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

人生目标...

曾经,老师告诉过我们,人生要有一个目标。
人生目标是很重要的,因为有了目标,我们才会尽全力去拼,不会白白让宝贵的时间流失。
(小学生的文章)
我很同意人生要有目标,因为我亲身体验到了,茫无目的的那种怅然,是非常的无助;同时也会感到莫名的罪恶感,感到自己把时间、体力都浪费了的罪恶感。
六个月,SPM结束后我等了六个月,才去SUNWAY上课。这段时间我美其名是为老爸工作,其实我只做三样事情,享受、CLUBBING 和花钱。
这段时间,我的生活可以说是TOTALLY颓废跟堕落。一点方向感都没有,不知道要读什么,梦想好像离我好远。
才知道,我是多么的空虚、寂寞。才知道,周星驰说出 “人如果没有梦想,同条咸鱼有咩分别!”这句话背后是多么的惆怅。才明白,人生目标对我的重要。

曾经以为,我找到了我最想要的目标,就是得到那时候我最爱的女孩的爱,的一次机会,一次让我好好的爱她的机会。
我知道她还是放不下他,也知道她对男生的恐惧。
我不介意,不在乎,因为我已经习惯了“我爱她,她爱他,不爱我”的辛酸滋味,从我第一次喜欢女生开始。
我只想给她温暖,给她依靠,给她治疗心灵创伤的药,给她我的爱。因为她的他不爱她。好乱,爱情就是乱七八糟的一团乱!!!
最后,我还是放弃了,因为我知道了,我在她心中的分量,永远都不够一个伤害过她的男人,只因为我太迟了,太迟认识她。

更久以前,有好几年了吧,当时后刚刚开始了解这个世界,刚刚开始注意谁是主演,谁是主唱。
不知道为什么要辛辛苦苦的读书,汲汲营营的为课外活动奔波,整天就只是窝在家里当个痴肥宅男,也不懂照顾形象的重要,就这样的一直肥下去。结果,从未来的帅哥变成未来的超级大肥猪,也就是你们刚刚认识的我,跟后来也就是现在的我是两个极端。这段主要是在讲当时后不懂目标是啥米lan!!!

现在上课了,原先还以为可以在课堂上找到目标。或者在College的美眉身上找到目标。
哪里知道,了解了MECHATRONIC和BUSINESS是读啥米lan后,只有更加犹豫不决,不懂那一边比较适合,只好决定到了MONASH拿double degree.
讲到美眉,靠!!!
整个program华人美眉加起来十指手指都算得完,算了吧!不懂是哪个夭寿仔跟我讲SUNWAY有很多美眉。
所以,只好吃回头草咯,回去光华看看咯。
本来只是打算看看,跟junior打打招呼;哪里知道回到光华才发现,小妹妹们个个都发育了!变成小美女了!哇!!!很后悔当初为什么没眼光,快快跟几个future tense的小妹妹打好感情,现在好下手,唉!!!
当初·蛮有feeling的可爱小美女又被人追走了,真泄气。
不过,终于让我完全了解了“高瞻远瞩,目光短浅,有眼不识泰山,和女大十八变这几句成语,谚语。

这段是在讲,要定对目标,有了目标就要快点去拼!!!

by:泽凯
深夜无聊就来blog一下,
靠北我自己一下。
靠!妈的!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Fast and Furious 5- Subang crash

yeah, what u see is real, and is my car, i am the driver.
Yesterday, afternoon, i am on the way to Sunway University College, to attend the Dodgeball Club meeting, at 2 pm.

At Subang Jaya there, near Police Station and Neway, got a sharp corner.
Everytime i past that corner safely.
But today, it is raining. So i slow down, drive with a turtle speed of 50 km/h.
In old days, this is the safe speed to drive in rainy day.

Now here comes the problem, i not notice that my rear tyres is gone off, 90% botak!!!
Then because of the momentum inertia, blablabla, my car started to slide. At first, i didn't take it as serious problem, cox i am an amateur racer, drifting is what i do when i race.

My car slide, with the rear side to the left, while that time i was turning to left, things go so normal, untill i turn the steering to opposite direction.
In few cases last time, i succeed to make my car go back on route. This time, the stupid tyres that botak, cant gain friction at the rear end. Then, shit lo!!! Front got friction, back no friction, whole car loss control lo!!! Then the car turn its head around and crash the divider, fly out from the small bridge and land on another side.

Luckily, i watch many movies, haha, when i saw the car is turning upside down, i quickly out my right hand on the roof, so that i wont fall from my seat it when the car stop. Kids, dont try this at home, 哥哥有练过的哦!!!

My feeling is like Christian Bale, in Terminator Salvation, when his helicopter was crash, at the start of the movie.

Monday, August 10, 2009

the poster



see, sexy tight ass....

G.I.Joe, sexy tight ass....

eh...when i watch this movie harr???
shit, forgot.... something like friday, dunnoe la, forget it...

anyway, GIJOE gives me an supreme 1st impression, the sexy tight ass of the girl, on the poster....
damn...i said inside my heart, again tight costume? like batman or superman tv at 1980s?
gosh....can see their nipples......haha.....
don't know why, i got a feeling that i am reading a porn advertisement when i saw that poster.
damn hamsap guys..............................

but, when the movie came along, i was fully enjoy it....
because the technology they using in the movie, is stuff that i have dream since i know science....
Human Body Accelerater, cool man... if i have 1 of these then i don't want buy car edi, everyday can sleep late, haha....

anyway, you may thought these things are impossible to made, but i tell u, USA started to do these stuff since 1970s, they din show out just because the thing they build still not as perfect as the movie 1, and they wanna let the whole world thought these is nonsense..... classic american government thinking......

Monday, August 3, 2009

Huh, exhausted...

exhausted... nothing to says.... just exhausted...

Friday, July 24, 2009

form 6 ginna & college ginna

001100101011111011010011000100101110101110111111011110000010101100101110000111
whats this?? dunnoe? me too... i cincai type d... but this is the things i gonna learn, in computer science.... damn confuse horr.... see lar, form 6 ginna, thought u guys is in the hardest course???
come lar.... come here and u will know we also live hard.... and die hard, wakaka...\

form6, u guys study 1 and half years only exam...
i study 5 months then 1st final exam...
form 6 can miss q in mid term exam...
i cant miss q in any test... and the same time period u guys mid term, is my 1st final exam....
o ya, i got 2 final exam while u got just 1....
walao e....

i not sayin form 6 is bad, this blog is special for my dear that keep claiming she is working hard than me....
Dear, dun angry arr... i write it in blog cox i dun wanna argue wif u....

Huh... Damn....What a sucks blog...

lets throw those assiognment or presentation or project or homework, you name it, away...
feels bad now, the 2nd week study edi headache... dunnoe what will happen when the final exam...
shit, last time dunnoe who tells me college life very easy... .!. ...
DAmn, dunnoe who tells me college got many leng luiz...
shit, dunnoe who says SUNWAY, TAYLORS, INTI is the leng lui paradize...( i only know SUNWAY, others i no comment...)
kao...

now the life is damn sienz, just like go back to KWANG HUA, almost the same, only different is student can wear what u want to school, as long as u are on cloth and u can make a call in the class...

dunnoe who says college life is different....

stress...
what can i do???? fa xie on blog lor....
haiz...
damn, what a sucks blog.... i know u will think this.... cox i think this too...

Fuckin hell... MATHEMATIC + PHYSICS + COMPUTER SCIENCE

yo! knbaccb...
learn this from NAMEWEE...
now is gonna use it... but a bit un perfect cox cant type mandarin...( now blogging at SUNWAY COLLEGE)

alrite....
fucking helll, is the theme today...
really really like fuckin in hell, or in the fuckin hell...wateva...

1st, MATH, kao!!! it is more difficult than STPM MATH...
Luckily i am genius......10 question can do 1/2 nia...
nvm

PHYSICS, the teacher is a lady, a malay lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can u imagine??? A malay lady is teaching physic???
Damn... Die this time... luckily i am genius in this too...
cant understand what the question is asking, which the question is authored by this teacher...

Computer science, haha...
u guys sure tot i am idiot rite now, cox using computers for many years but still dunnoe how to use...
nah... you come my class lar... use OS lar, use DOS lar, zpet... i never use this before lar... whole screen is black, with white words.... hell know what is the command??? shit... memorize the command till i ki siao....

confuse??? dunnoe wth i write??? of coz lar, i ki siao edi wat... sure u dunnoe what i write...

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Lonely at night...

I hate midnight, actually, althought every one thought i am a nocturnal...
I am not nocturnal, not a fully nocturnal, cox i awake in night is because i cant sleep...
Keep thinking, about lifes, about money, about girls, cars, families, friends, everything...
Including what will happen after i RIP...
DAmn, my brain seems like more clear at midnight...

At this time, my brain will come out with many great ideas, which i cant thought at day...
Ideas about everything, and i can tell u they are really great ideas...
There was 1 time, my mind come out with an investment idea, and it was great and can make me a millionare in few months...
But, i forget all of it the next day i wake up...
shit...
My $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

haiz, now my only hope is pray our scientiest can create some sort of machine that can record memories, like mind recorder or something.... At least we no need to go class edi, just record all the knowledge and install into our brain...
GREAT izit???
My idea in midnoght too...

Life Damn fast...

As you seen, so fast now edi end of JULY...
feels like time is like rocket...
shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu,.....
i am getting older...

18 edi lar!!!!!!!!!
still havent have gf, never have a romantic relation before, didn't have romantic memories....
haiz...
so fast, i edi over that age...
now is a man d...
cant be childish...

There is something i really regretz....
Why i become fat boy???? At 1st i quite handsome dd...
Why i kok chi??? Not dare to chase that cute girl????
Why i so kind??? Just give a punch in the face of that guy that slap me????
Why i so stupid, listen for my mom for 15 years????
Why i so lazy??? Didn't study well for 10 years???
WHY WHY WHY... Tell me why lar...

Now, another questioon come up...
is What...
What i gotta do, to become top student??
What i gotta do??? To become millionares....
What i gotta do??? To buy an ASTON MARTIN???
What i gotta do??? To spanar the girl i like???
What i gotta do??? To use all my time usefull???
WHAT i gotta do????????????????????????

Shit, feels like life is full of question without answer....
PEK CHEK....

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


See these stupid pics? Ya, thats rite, my stupid hand is recover, 99.99999999999999999999...%
Nothing to say much today, just same as others college kido, homework + presentation + school club + working + sport + ... everyday, geng ler....
No la, like this will die lar, thought i am super man?
Homework, a bit only...
Presentation, today just got 1....
School club? Havent start yet cause by this stupid hand...
Sport? Crazy arr? I still need this hand althought it is stupid.... ( for the things boyz like the most... guess yourself...)

And ar... Today is the 1st clASS i attend to GLOBALIZATION, don't who create it but it's quite interested... Students are shouting and argueing for their own idea, the teachers some more encourage us to go further, interesting???? Haha... So, at here, i boom gao those organization kaokao( sorry for friends that not understand KLANG english), point out how stupid they are...but obviously it's my own opinion la...

And... nothing to say d, today just end like this...












Saturday, July 11, 2009

Yesterday's meet friends...

Huh, yesterday is the 1st day start my class. I do something damn embarass in this 1st day, i cant find where the hell my math class is located. Then guess what i do? I check the map, ask ppl, and run the whole college from 8am to 9.45am, and finally, i saw a cat walking into a small door in a corner. A! CUTE! LITTLE! GREY! CAT!!! Then i walk into it, and suddenly a lady says good morning to me, i realize that there are 50 eyes watching at me, DAMN IT! MY CLASS!!! I shout inside my heart!!!

1 thing i saw in SUN-U, MUFY student are 70% international student, while the 30% of locals only 10% is chinese, in this 10% only 4% is girls, and...sorrry have to say that, only 3 of them is consider as pretty... SIGH... My college dream broke...into billions pieces...

And i finally take my decision to study SCIENCE in MUFY, and then only consider whether go for business or remain after going to university.





At night, i and buddies go Klang parade snooker, we are me, KEATSAI, POH and MEAW!!! Haha, this time is the most happiest snooker experiance i have, cox my team win all the games we play, while my right arm is in bandaged, wakakakakaka.... POH, improve la u..............

After this lucky game, we go for MAMAK. Tot what we saw? Ya, of course we saw friends lar!!! Thats why i put this title ma!!!! Stupid u...
We saw our ex KH schoolmate who now is in STK, and my lovely ex primary school mate, also my nest female friend, with them, she is BANG ROU.
It's been a long time, last time in primary school we are chatting for anything, and she is my JIU MING EN REN, person that save me from failing MATH. Without her i cant do multiplication when i was year 2 or 3. THANKS YA ROU!!!! Or RHINO, her nickname.

Eh... I wanna congrates her, because i saw her changes after these years... she is more sporting, active and happy now, compare to last time. ROU, you are not ice beauty anymore, haha...

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Why my right forearm is in bandaged?

From months before, my friends keep asking me 1 question, " Oh gosh!!! What the heck happen to your arms!!!" And i have answer this question for billlioonsss of times.
HAIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now i am telling the story, at 1st of JUNE, accurately is 2am of 2nd of JUNE, i back to my home. That day i was totally exhausted, because i see few customer that day, and i have skip 1 month of gym and kick boxing training for my AMWAY business, which cause my respons and alert decrease.
Things happen damn fast, i arrive, off the car, come down, lock, then i feel something flying to my head behind. I wonder whats tht and turn around, a wooden stick come into my face in a very high speed, or velocity. I can't dodge away nor attack tht guy just like TONY JAA done in ONG BAK, because the stick is just 20 cm away my face once i saw it.
The only and fastest response i can made is use my hand to block it down. Use a BARE HANDS to stop a HIGH SPEED/VELOCITY 4x4 inch STICK, what happen coming up is my ulna broken, i can feel it but cant feel the pain because of adrenalin. And at the same time, some thing that i called miracle happen, the 4x4 inch stick also broken too!!!
Lucky me, the stick broken like i do it with my hand, then i take up my wounded hand and point towards the indian guy, acting like i am KARATE masters and i am going to fuck him up. Then they just run away, maybe they shock on my "TOUGHNESS". HAHA...

At the end here, i would like to tell that indian guy, if he is blogging, dun let me saw him again, if not i will put a stick same size into his mouth!!!! Because he makes me go SUN-U in this embarassing style, shit!!!!

Sunway life start from now!

This week is my 1st week in SUN-U, the start of my college life.
I am very very very uncomfortable for this new lifestyle, so now i am doing my best to satisfy it.
College life is totally different with government school. At here, we gotta do things on our own, teachers or lecturers or any body wont force u or give u pressure to finish something. Instead, government school teachers will give punishment to you if u didn't do what they says.

College education also different with government school. College give us ideas, which encourage us to be independent, to have visions, life targets and globalize thinking, which means we have to let our mind go worldwide. While government school keep teaching us to work for goverment, set oir mind in M'SIA and keep study without finding other oppotunity to success.

I am not discriminate goverment school, just give out my opinion here, and answer question of many of my friends or relative that why i still determine to go for overseas education instead of MALAYSIAN's.


Monday, March 2, 2009

sien to doing sales, stongly recommend don't do it!!!

Grow till so old, now oly know that sles man/girl are really really really hard to be. No ppl chap you, then you have to sit there and wait the time to past.
SO regretz to take this job, althought the salary is attracting.
KAO!!!